sa-WING...and a miss.

"I've met someone."
"Really! Who is she?"
"You don't know her. Trust me." "I just wanted to tell you face to face."

"Oh, O-okay...what does she do?"

"It's not important."
"What...why?"
"I don't know...it's just not."
"Well...then...who is she?"
"She's amazing."
"Really!?!"
"Well, that is to say...she makes me feel things that I've never felt before...and feelings that I've stowed away...way up on the top shelf...that I've only brought down to dust off from time to time...well, they're sitting right in my lap now...after over 20 years, looking at me, saying, 'Hey there' with a tired, teary-eyed smile...waiting..."

"Waiting!?" "For what?"
"Idunno...you tell me."
"Do you love her?"
"I..." *pauses for a few moments* "I think I do...yeah, I do."
"How do you know."
"I don't know...I just do."
"Whell...does she love you back?"
"She said she does."
"Well, who said it first?"
"I did."
"Ohhh...I see."
"What do you mean, 'I see?'"
*shoulders shrug* "Oh nothing."
"Don't *shoulders shrug* 'Oh nothing' me!" "What do you mean!?"
"Well, you've been there before, right?"
"Been where?"
"Where you have someone say that to you..."
"Yeah!" "So!?"
"Well, what did you say when you maybe didn't feel the same way?"
*eyes pan down and away...searching...then snap back*
"FUCK YOU!"
"What?" "I'm just being the Devils Advocate here." "I'm sure she does though."
"Yeah, whatev."
"How did you meet?"
"It was on a Sunday, AJ and I had just finished a 4.5 hr ride and I'd ordered some food for us at our regular spot. Part of AJ's 'rent', as you know, is to clean the house and he'd been procrastinating for a few days, that day was no different. 'Hey Dad, whataya-say I go and pick us up some food?' 'No, how-bout I go, and you clean this place up!?'" *eyes start to drift again, staring off in the distance* "It was on a Sunday."
"Yeah...*hands wave in front of his face trying to clear the fog* "You already said that."
"Sorry, I'd walked in, took a seat at the bar, ordered a beer and settled in, clearing my mind, ready to have a moment with a pint."
"Really...a *arms rise up, looking not unlike a puppet, surrendering to some master,  mocking in quotations* moment?"
"Yes...a moment!" "What?"
"Nothing...go on."
"Tell you what, I've got some things to do anyway, lets talk later."
"Wait...o...okay, talk to you later."

This was a post I'd started back some time ago but never finished. It was a conversation that I was having with the most argumentative, obnoxious, self centered, asshole of person I've EVER known...in the bathroom...after a shower. 

Not sure why I never finished it. Or, maybe I did. 

I've always said, "We make the time for things that are important to us!" I've wondered these past few months if I truly believe it.


...time...I seem to be loosing it little by little, here and there, everywhere I go...and wondering if I'll ever find it again.


As my caffeine tolerance is steadily rising, I'm forced to consider my level of addiction and am entertaining thoughts of cutting back....maybe....as I yawn...

Easy Spin...

Love the beauty and solitude of the back roads of Davis and the surrounding areas this time of year. Therapeutic oceans of lush, green fields that fold right into the surrounding foothills. Nice easy spin this evening affording me a time of reflection, introspection, a bit of pondering, and a brief moment of complete and utter lunacy/dorkishness while no one was looking...or listening...aside from the happy California cows that I scared the bejesus out of. :)
Watched as darkness swallowed me and my world shrunk to the boundaries of reach of my light. It was hypnotizing this evening. Needed a butterfly net to catch all the fleeting thoughts. Nice to purge once in a while.
Never underestimate the power of an easy spin...

"I'm sorry, we're cash only..."

Entering a new coffee shop is like entering the local breakfast hub in a rival city wearing your team colors in the off season. It's not during the season, so emotions are lulled, a bit, but you still feel all eyes on you. You bravely enter because you'd heard some wonderful things about this place and have finally gathered enough courage to step out of your comfort zone and enter this new, to you, enigmatic refueling station which just happens to be just around the corner from your usual spot in the small college town you call home.

fleeting chance....

Was that it? Was that my chance? My one chance at true happiness? Looking back, it was a single moment in time. An instant. A split second. A stitch. As fleeting as that perfect breeze. Not too hot, not too cold, not too hindering or disruptive, but just...perfect. The kind that allows you to stop, if for just a moment, and completely exist. Your troubles are stripped away like husk, warmed by the sun, from an ear of sweet corn, exposing your vulnerable self. Alive, breathing, as light as sea mist, you feel yourself elevate as the air from that perfect breeze fills your lungs and empties your mind. You're free. You hover, feeling weightless, yet feeling your inner child, so eager to begin, so excited to be let out to romp, to run, to jump, to kick and throw things at nothing in particular, to howl at that perfect breeze, flow out of your body and onto the ground sinking his roots deeper than a mighty Oak tree grounding you in that very moment...allowing you to truly accept it for what it was.

Then, you grow older and begin to question what it was. It was. . . . and maybe that's just it.

I think I need to plant a garden...and play in it for a while...I used to love playing in the dirt and mud...

Parrkin'...porrkin'...parrkin'...pearrkin'....porrkin'-parking.

Am I the only one that looks around when exiting the car after performing a perfect, flawless parallel parking job? I get out of the car and catch myself looking around waiting for the applause or at least a compliment. It never comes. I feel like pointing it out to people walking down the street. No, I'm not the kind that needs constant approval. Though now that I think about it, I do tend to ask my girlfriend at times if it was "good for her too" always wanting to make sure she had her cookie before I did. Cookies....I love cookies.

Sooo...

I've always wanted to live in "The City". I guess I've never had the opportunity. I mean, how does one "move" to "The City?" I guess having a job in "The City" would be a start. I mean, having money to be able to afford a place in "The City" would be nice. Maybe it doesn't take much at all. Maybe I could be one of the few people who live in "The City" and commute to Sacramento for work. Maybe there are more than I think. I imagine traffic would be just as bad. Maybe I could take Amtrak. Maybe I could buy another bike for commuting. I always wondered what it would be like to get rid of my truck and live solely by human propulsion. How would I get AJ and I with all of our gear to the races. I'd have to rely on teammates and friends or Dawn...don't think that would work. It might at first, but I think it'd wear pretty quickly.